make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
