how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
