the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
