Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
