Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
