You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
