he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
