New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
