Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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