My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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