I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
