Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
