i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
