Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Randomize
