You can't special order awesome
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
