im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
