Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
