If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
