I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
