For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Randomize
