As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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