Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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