I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
