Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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