I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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