porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
