if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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