So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
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Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
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You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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