judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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