Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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