I'm gonna have a badass scar
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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