I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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