amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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