You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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