Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
