Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off