if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
