a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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