Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize