I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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