Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Rumble strips road head = magical
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
