I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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