i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
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taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
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Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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