i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The best revenge is premature balding
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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