I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
