he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
