I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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