I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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