cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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