Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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