i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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