Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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