I just pynch a tree in the face
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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