Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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