i think my tv is drunk
Quick, to the slutcave!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
