The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
