Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
