his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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