You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
