We're facebook friends in real life
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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