i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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