Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
