I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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