Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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